MAKING HAY

Nearly choked on my Coco Pops to read that the Scottish Executive has handed our friends at Scottish Screen an extra half million. Why the largesse all of a sudden we're not told, but personally I'm getting a bit cheesed off with Ken Hay claiming he's the champion of individual filmmaking talent, a barefaced lie when there's not a single initiative that supports individuals in the quango's remit. And I'm not talking about so-called training here - we all know how to sweep floors and make tea. I mean cash money towards getting an idea off it's knees.

Previously Scottish Screen provided a seed fund for writers - up to five grand - without having to entangle yourself with thieving producers and slave-wage companies. Then, like most things at West George Street, it was quietly strangled and buried without ceremony. Listening to Mr Hay's latest interview on allmediascotland.com, I'm misled into thinking that writers and directors are beating off job offers galore, when in fact Mr Hay has no clue as the hardship most of us suffer. Producers and directors remortgaging their houses to gap finance their flops, writers having to deliver endless free drafts in the hope of getting some spare change. Short filmmakers giving the goods away for a shot at glory on pish websites and dodgy TV ventures - how are Propeller's viewing figures these days, I wonder?

Scottish Screen, if it wants to redeem itself before the plug gets pulled, could do worse than follow the example of Northern Film and Media, who at least has a fund for developing individual talents. That Scottish Screen can't even get a website together makes me wonder what the half million will be squandered on - well, with Cannes on the horizon, I'm sure they'll put it to good use, such as a nice wee yacht, an upgrade at the Hilton and a few more office juniors needing to top up their tans. Me, I'm more of a St Tropez girl.