JUNKIES REUNITED

Don’t blame me for the heading, blame those highly-paid hacks at The Scotsman.

Regular subscribers to this blog already know my Robert Carlyle theory – that if you attach Bobby to a Scottish film, it’s doomed to perpetual development. So what are we to make of the announcement in today’s Scotsman about the long-awaited follow-up to Trainspotting?

thescotsman.scotsman.com/entertainment.cfm?id=536452007

It might be bad news for the Ecstasy crew, but don’t all rush to book your tickets because reading between the lines you’ll see big question marks floating all over this one. First off, how come Irvine Welsh ‘gave’ away the rights to Porno? Maybe because he got it into his baldy dome that there’s only one outfit who can make this – the original Trainspotting team. Or maybe, just maybe, there were no other takers. Just don’t let him write the script.

And how come Ewan MacGregor is reported as ‘interested’ in signing up for it? Didn’t he come out in public to say how much he hated the book - and Danny Boyle for dissing him by casting Leo DiCaprio in the jolly for the crew and rubbish film that was ‘The Beach’? The only way I reckon Ewan will come on board is if he gets a large chunk of ching and suites at the Balmoral for his entire entourage, hardly in the spirit of a movie about a bunch of skankers.

According to Scottish Screen, this is ‘fantastic’ news. Is it? Well, as Danny Boyle says, he’s happy to wait until the cast are old and ‘ravaged’ enough to play the parts convincingly. Well, forget the wrinkles, because if Ewan’s ‘acting’ is anything to go by, he’ll have a long bloody wait. As for Bobby, he pretty much qualifies in the ageing stakes, with a face like a well-chewed ciabatta. And you can bet it’ll be riders at dawn, when he goes up against Ewan for who can make the starriest demands on the budget, such as organic bog rolls, organic baked beans and lumps of organic blaw delivered to his luxury chambers.

Spare a thought for poor Ewan Bremner – he’ll be lucky to get a portakabin and a two-day old bridie…