ECCE HOMO

What oh what is the point of IMDB, I wonder? That is, apart from trying to mug ‘film professionals’ by urging them to sign on for their IMDB Pro service by taking an imprint of your plastic then after a free fortnight, charging a 100 bucks a year for information you can find elsewhere for nowt.

Well, come to think of it, if you’re a wannabe filmmaker or even just a fantasist, you can pretty much carve a career on IMDB without ever having to make a movie. And that’s got to be worth cash money.

For weeks now I’ve been checking into the website’s message board to read the latest on the phantom film of Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy. And judging by the bizarre exchanges going on – multiple deleted messages, flaming a go-go, rants and insults - it’s a lot more intriguing and entertaining than the book ever was. A while back, Scottish film hack, Brian Pendreigh, wrote a piece in the Sunday rags here (that I reported on) on the mystery surrounding the project, and how several Scottish crew were sacked – before the film even went into pre-production.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0462269/

If you’ve ever seen Living in Oblivion, you’ll know what I mean. Ecstasy was due to start shooting in Edinburgh this month, but it seems, like a few tabs of eccy, the dates have been pushed – and pushed – so much that nobody knows what the eff’s going on. Deciphering the message boards, the latest I can tell you is that it’s now filming in Hungary in May, sorry - make that Scotland again - and boo-hoo, Billy Boyd’s no longer attached, but to make up for it they’ve got Karen Dunbar (and no, none of you south of the border know who she is, so count yourself lucky) and Gary ‘Gangs of New York’ Lewis in bit parts. Oh, and Howard Marks in a cameo spot as a ‘senior airport security man’ – genius casting – if only any of it was true.

As for the credit roll, how’s this for a list of ‘producers’?

John Board
Marc Booth
Joni Cuquet
Olivier Farcouli
Cinzia Genuardi
Sershen Govender
Jonas Grossman
Michael Heydon
Paul Heydon
Rob Heydon
Allan Levine
Allan Levine - also line producer
Ashley Pover
Keith Wyatt

And we think cheapo UK flicks are overrun with producers?

Not to mention the four screenwriters and three story editors, who like the producers, all seem to be related to each other. Are they fantasists? Well, digging deeper, it turns out that the multi-talented writer, co-producer and director of this slice of fiction, Rob Heydon, along with his dad and his brother are more interested in PR, hosting parties and compiling a wishlist of music tracks than actually getting behind a camera. According to the one item on the sad ‘director’s blog’, they’ve been partying everywhere from Sundance to Miami to ‘meet with talent’ and generally bullshit to anyone who’ll listen about how this one’s a definite goer.

And maybe this is the point of IMDB. What better way to get people like me talking about this ‘£6 million film’ than to post up on an official film site, wind people up enough to get them to shout and bawl on the messageboard? If Rob ever makes it over from Canada, then I’ll be the first to welcome him. Assuming he ever gets off the drugs…