DOING THE TIME WARP

I was wondering when this lot would rear their ugly heads again. Yes, it’s Warp X, who according to Variety have held their first workshop for would-be female horror directors.

www.variety.com/article/VR1117960209.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

Maybe Warp X would be better off making some of those low-budget movies they promised a year ago instead of veering off in a whole other direction – or talking about it, for that matter. When you’re sitting on a pile of other people’s money – in this case, the taxpayer and Lottery punters – and when you’re paying no fewer than four in-house ‘executive producers’ – and the rest – then surely it’s time to get the stick out of your ass and go and make something because not one film has come out of this scheme so far.

I may be missing the point. Then again a sensible, hard-working person like myself would be forgiven for thinking that when the Film Council hands you millions of pounds for a low-budget digital movie scheme, you’re obliged to deliver some films – and fast. Isn’t that the whole point of low-budget digital movies? Is Warp X trying to say that when they pitched for this gig they told the FC that it would take years to accomplish? Or that the ‘contemporary UK genre’ films they promised really meant ‘period French drama’ – a ‘film’ that’s still to see the light of day?

As I wrote a while back, this detour into female horror might look good on paper, but not if it takes years of workshopping, development and general fannying about. And why bother with endless shortlisting to boil it down to two projects? Don’t they know what the good ideas are already? Sounds to me that while they’re hedging their bets, the trick is to keep a bunch of people on the payroll. And speaking of bets, you can bet the would-be horror writers and directors aren’t getting paid to be in development hell.

Me, I’d be more scared of the bailiffs taking an axe to my door.