AND THE WINNER IS...

In the local video shop the other night while perusing the shelves for a piece of entertainment, I was struck by the number of 'Scottish' films on offer. Not that anybody's seen most of them - One Last Chance, Ae Fond Kiss, Mandancin', Sixteen Years of Alcohol, The Magdalene Sisters, Young Adam - none of which can be classed as truly homegrown, since it's nigh on impossible to make a movie with local money alone.



Which makes Scotland look as if it's got a happening film industry but is maybe a tad misleading.

Not wishing to throw a turd in the punchbowl, if nothing else this trend justifies the annual round of local film award ceremonies - BAFTA Scotland, Balmore Awards, Glenfiddich Spirit of Scotland, Scottish Students on Film, Reel to Real - blah, blah, blah. I guess if you were to count them, there must be an award do for every film made in Scotland, including all the shorts.

There's two ways of looking at this. First, since it's so hard to make films here sooner or later a filmmaker will give up, the bottom feeders are ready to replace them. This keeps the talent pool replenished and the awards circuit in business. It gives everybody a fair crack at winning something, small consolation for the fact you're unlikely to ever make another movie. The other way of looking at it is wish-fulfillment - the idea that if you create awards then filmmakers must surely have some motivation, by operating under the delusion that an award win is a surefire way to attract big bucks to the next project.

But don't be fooled. Awards are great. And a bit more of a legit achievement than say, putting up laurels on your poster just because your flick was selected for the Celtic Film Fest. But when you live in a country that makes fewer films than Iceland, these dos are really just code for a boozy night out, a chance to bitch with your peers about why no-one can get anything made and to throw up on Brian Cox on your way to the taxi.

That none of the films listed above has made it to my DVD player speaks volumes about their entertainment value. I mean, why watch nuns being cruel when you can have Brad Pitt with no clothes on? For the same money? Case closed.