THE X FACTOR

No, not the TV talentless show. I'm talking about film certificates and the sad loss of the X-rated movie. Long before the days of U, 12, PG, 15, 18 and R18, the filthiest films were labelled X. I mean, what could be more enticing, more grown-up and dangerous than going to see an X? It's almost daring you to queue up.

In its quest to look friendly, in 1984 the British Board of Film Censorship changed its name to BBFC - the c-word standing for classification - but it all comes down to the same thing - too much sex, violence or horror earns a film an 18 rating or, if it's really bad, R18 - about 6% of all the films submitted, usually porn but sometimes 'mainstream' movies like Baisse Moi or The Pornographer. Maybe there should be a special case - C - for crap, which usually means French.

Okay then, merde.

But it's not the same as X. Or XXX. Classics like Last Tango in Paris or The Exorcist. See, the trouble with 18 is that it conjures up pizza faced teenagers, not grown-ups. People don't get excited anymore when a film gets an 18. The latest hoo-ha over Harry Potter and the Eternal Merchandiser which just scored a 12 is just tosh - every 8-year-old on the planet will see it anyway.

So bring back the X. It hits my spot.