ONLY EBAYING ORDERS

So Joan Collins no longer signs autographs, after having a piece of paper shoved under the toilet door in the middle of a pee. Ditto Anthony Hopkins, saying he's fed up seeing bits of him for sale on Ebay. Angelina Jolie's hairbrush selling for a reputed $36,000? The list grows...

Celeb memorabilia is big business these days. Pre-Ebay, you'd be lucky to buy the odd film poster. But when Britney's pregnancy test kit (yep, positive) comes up for auction, you have to ask yourself, are people really that stupid?

I'm kind of on the fence on this one, because actors have a contract with the audience, the people who cough up for the cinema ticket, the DVD, the magazine with your face on the cover. Okay, it can be annoying when some eejit demands a snap while you eat your egg white omlette. Or baring their arse for you to sign in a public place. They're the ones picking up your tab.

When your toe nail clippings/used tissues/prozac packet can fetch $40,000 in an online auction, it gets a bit creepy. Which makes me wonder - isn't it time someone invented the lockable trash can? Or a garbage alarm?

I don't doubt there's a growing trade in recycled waste, though I suspect most of these celeb sales are media stunts planted by desperate PR companies. I just feel sorry for the poor, underpaid news-grazers who spend hours of their lives scrolling through E-bay tracking the latest sucker sale - Julia Roberts' dental floss, say, or Keanu Reeves' skid-marked Calvins, which if you look closely enough in a certain light, reveal the face of Jack Nicholson.