THE PLAY'S THE THING

If I had a fiver for every time a producer or TV tart bleats on about how there's no scripts out there or how much they love new talent, I wouldn't be writing this - I'd be in Harvey Nicks.

The National Theatre of Scotland has just announced that its first-ever production will be an adaptation of a twenty-odd year old TV show, Tutti Frutti. Just how low can we go, I wonder? The NTS, which is costing us £7.6 million a year, seems to think that chucking a cheque at John Byrne for a recycled script is a great idea. The announcement comes in the very same week that the boss of Scottish Screen says he plans to 'put film in context' - ie. consign it to the dustbin, along with the careers of so-called screenwriting tutors, film theorists and sundry chair polishers, no doubt.

Is this an attempt to bring popular theatre to the masses? If so, then it's condescending pish of the worst kind. Can this be the same National Theatre of Scotland who complained about being banished to Easterhouse for want of a skinny latte? Besides, popular theatre can look out for itself, judging by the queues at The Pavilion, The King's and The Playhouse. The NTS obviously don't know this one - what's got a hundred legs and no teeth? The front row at a Sydney Devine concert.

What next? Taggart: The Musical? River City Dance? Rab C. Nesbitt sings Wet, Wet, Wet?