CURSE OF THE RUBBER CHICKEN

Whit d'ye mean ah'm oan the effin menu?

Back in June I predicted Red Road would top the nominations at the BAFTA Film and TV Scotland Awards. And sure enough, there it is, alongside The Flying Scotsman and True North. At least they managed to come up with more than two films, but in a repeat of last year only two names appear on the Best Actress list – Kate Dickie and Laura Fraser, probably because there was no standard-issue simpering girlfriend part in True North.

Faring better is telly, the more prolific of the categories. Still, nice to see River City (a local soap, you non-Scottish readers) going up against Low Winter Sun in the Best Drama category. Why a soap is competing with a heavy duty two-part drama who knows, but I know which one I’d choose. Sandwiched between them we find the smoke-free Rebus, for no other reason than the embarrassment of leaving STV out of a Scottish Film and TV awards do. With the way things are heading at the House of Taggart, the BAFTA audience may well be asked to call a premium rate number during the gong show to answer the following –

In which country are the BAFTA Scotland Awards being held? Is it -

A – Wales
B – Afghanistan
C – Scotland

Calls cost a quid plus network charges, with all profits going behind the bar at the City Hall.

But seriously, good luck to them. Filmmakers need a bit of cheering up because they sure don’t get rewarded anywhere else for their efforts. Today’s Scotsman featured an item on the value of winning an award –

thescotsman.scotsman.com/entertainment.cfm?id=1633622006

What’s sad to note here is that when director Morag Mackinnon won eight years ago with her short, Home, I’ll bet she didn’t think she’d still be waiting to make her debut feature in 2006. The same could be said for a lot of past winners, whose promising careers grind to a halt for want of a break. Do they all give up, I wonder? Or more likely, go elsewhere? Because unless they’re all making adverts for the Scottish Executive, I don’t know how they pay their rent.

I don’t get it. There are those who say filmmakers ought to stop whining, that they don’t deserve handouts from the Lottery. If that’s the case then maybe they ought to shut down every film and TV course in the country to stop encouraging people into thinking a career in the glitzy world of content provision is possible. Let’s not forget that all this education’s costing the taxpayer a bomb as well.

While we’re at it, why not downsize Scottish Screen? Overseeing a paltry two or three features and a crop of shorts a year doesn’t take an entire organisation, not when they’ve farmed out training to Skillset and sent their archive to the museum department. They could also give local cinemas the funding direct, instead of acting as middlemen. And TV can look after itself, so let the BBC and SMG sub the indies, instead of stealing cash from underemployed filmmakers.

Trawling through the net for film news, it’s remarkable the way a film made in Scotland is always Scottish, while an English film is never English. If only that pride (or is it prejudice?) could be translated into production, then the BAFTA Scotland Awards would be a real cause for celebration. But like the MacDonald Brothers on X-Factor, we’re seen as the eternal underdogs with chips on both shoulders, no doubt to go with the rubber chicken on the menu next Sunday night at City Hall. Enjoy…