MUTINY ON THE BUSES

Still on a bus theme...

In that familiar ‘when did you stop beating your wife’ way of our government, I wasn’t surprised to come across a banner ad on a bus the other day announcing that DVD piracy is financing ‘people smuggling’. The ad features a pathetically witless picture of a DVD with a rubbishy handscribbled label. The film they chose? Pirates of the Caribbean 2, (gettit?) - a snip at a fiver, I thought, put me down for a copy. It’s not like I’d be leaving Jerry Bruckheimer, Walt Disney or Buena Vista International short of a few quid.

The ad belongs to FACT, the self-appointed anti-piracy outfit mentioned in a previous blog. Not content with accusing film fans of bank-rolling drug dealers, prostitution and terrorism, they’ve now tapped into the latest tabloid xenophobic scaremongering over migrant workers – suggesting that by buying a pirate movie, we’re somehow letting the darkies and East European gangsters loose (their mentality, not mine) all over the place.

Yet again we – decent, law abiding folks - have to put up with a non-governmental finger wagging, like the majority of so-called terrorists accused, judged and charged on no evidence whatsoever. It’s just like the recent imbecilic legislation designed to make criminals out of anyone downloading porn in the privacy of their own home, while every corner shop in the country carries a top shelf of titles whose content would make Jenna Jameson reach for the smelling salts.

The trouble is, it’s not an offence to buy a pirate DVD, only to flog 'em. That’s why the FACT lobby’s getting all upset. Easier to pick on the punters than the tiny minority who probably don’t scratch much of a living from the mass burning of movies. If anything, the pirates are providing a public service when it costs six quid to visit the multiplex. How would FACT feel if I went around spray-painting slogans in public places accusing major film studios and distributors of investing in arms, alcohol and backing war-mongering governments?

The irony of the ‘people smuggling’ charge is all the more insulting when you consider the growing numbers of Polish bus drivers, Somalian hospital cleaners and Kurdish cinema ushers, doing the crapola low-paid jobs that none of us want to do. Even worse, these are the very people likely to get on a bus. How do they feel, I wonder, being branded as criminals on two counts? If this keeps up, how long before legitimate migrant workers - and the rest of us - will be made to sew little badges on our clothes to identify ourselves? Or is an ID card different?

Me, I welcome each and every one. The country would soon grind to a halt without them.

Am I offended? Totally. Collaring the bus driver, I asked, what do you think of this advert on the side of your bus? He looked at it, his face slightly puzzled, then told me he thought a fiver to see Johnny Depp was reasonable. Good for you, I tell him, but thinking, too bad respect for the average punter comes a lot dearer. FACT should be made to walk the plank...