AYE, RIGHT...

If, like me, you're a filmmaker living in Scotland, you may wonder why you're not doing something more useful with your life, such as getting a REAL job. Just kidding. But undiluted cynicism you can't take to the bank, Cannes or the multiplex. There are enough naysayers around. Like all addicts, sooner or later we have to take that first step and admit we've got a problem. We need to admit we don't have a film industry in this country. Instead what we have is a kiddy-onny Executive sponsored set-up which at one end keeps the chair polishers in their non-jobs while at the other, decent, hard-working lassies like me are reduced to taking their clothes off for the satisfaction of legless St Mirren players just so I can pay off the plastic for my camcorder and my new laptop (laptop dancing anyone?) Elsewhere another bunch of deluded hopefuls seem prepared to hand over their house, dog, furniture and dignity - all for the privilege of being scriptless (kiss your rights goodbye) and indebted to the powers that be. Don't take my word for it - read the small print on Scottish Screen's 22 page application form for script development.

And you thought Lottery money was free.